We all have them
It called Free Will…
Lets look at 2 simple words that can change our entire life.
I read this from a book that I love called Soul Shifts by: Dr. Barbara De Angelis and hope it will also help you along on your Wellness path.
Why can’t I ?
Why don’t I ?
Why can’t I do it, or why don’t I do it
Why Can’t I ?
The question why can’t I - really doesn’t have an answer. That’s because it’s actually a complaint disguised as a question, a lament from a victimized point of view.
Think of one of yours right now, such as:
“Why can’t I stick to my diet?”
“Why can’t I find a job I like?”
“Why can’t I get my kid’s to behave?”
“Why can’t I say no to people?”
“Why can’t I finish the project?”
“Why can’t I stop eating junk food?”
“Why can’t I figure out why I’m afraid to let
anyone get close?”
“Why can’t I find a good plummer?”
“Why can’t I be happy?”
Now, try this, take just one of your “Why can’t I?” statements, and changing the first few works:
Instead of: “Why can’t I say no to people?”
Ask yourself: “Why don’t I say no to people?”
Instead of: Why can’t I find the right business partner?
Ask yourself: Why don’t I find the right business partner?
Instead of: Why can’t I loss weight?
Ask yourself: Why don’t I loss weight?
Instead of: Why can’t I express myself to other?
Ask yourself: Why don’t I express myself to other?
Instead of: Why can’t I ask for what I want?
Ask yourself: Why don’t I ask for what I want?
“Why don’t I” Is an actual question that can be answered. When you ask yourself “Why don’t I ?” suddenly the tables turn, and instead of feeling that the universe has singled you out for suffering and there’s nothing you can do about it, you’re actually exploring an issue.
When you ask yourself “ Why don’t I?,” you make an instant shift into empowerment.
“Hmm, why don’t I express myself? Maybe it’s because I was always reprimanded as a child for speaking up. Maybe it’s because I don’t want people to get upset with me. This don’t sound like very good reasons to keep stuffing my feelings.”
Now that you’ve asked a conscious question, you can investigate it with a curiosity. A type of mindful awareness, which allows you to dig deeper as you look for the answers.
Can you see and feel the difference? “Why can’t I?” Is bases on a notion (a feeling, belief, opinion, idea, thought, concept, a mental construct that was created form some past experience), of helplessness, and powerlessness, and resistance to taking responsibility.
“Why can’t I?” puts us in the position of being like a child. What do kids ask all the time? “Why can’t I stay up and watch TV? Why can’t I have that toy? Why can’t I eat ice cream for breakfast?
When children ask those questions, they aren’t actually expecting an answer, are they? “Why can’t I?” is a code for “It’s not fair!” “It’s not fair that I can’t stay up and watch TV! It’s not fair I can’t have that toy! It’s not fair I can’t eat ice cream for breakfast!”
Now look at your own “Why can’t I?” questions from that point of view. “It’s not fair that I have to look for a new business partner! It’s not fair that I have to work so hard on this project! It’s not fair that I am so afraid to ask for what I want!”
Finding the courage to ask yourself, “Why don’t I?”
will instantly shift you from feeling like a victim
to feeling more in control.
It is one of the most powerful informational doorways
you can walk through.
“ Why don’t I say no more often instead of agreeing to things and then resenting it? Why don’t I show up on time? Why don’t I face my uncomfortable feelings instead of stuffing them down with food, alcohol, shopping, watching TV? Why don’t I ask for what I want and need instead of setting people up to disappoint me?” These are brave questions, and each one does have an answer.
Just try this for starters: Next time someone ask you to do something don’t say YES right away. Ask your self - “Will this overwhelm my already busy schedule? Actual I really do need some down time, to restore balance and rejuvenate and honor what is appropriate for my Well-being.”
If you choose to say NO without guilt and regret - You could say something like, “Gezzz, I love to help you, however, I have other obligations right now, but thanks for thinking of me.” You do not need to defend, explain or justify why just politely and with loving kind words say you are not able to at this time. And leave it at that. Both parties will feel good about the outcome. And you are also helping the other person realize that it is ok to honor what appropriate for them.
You’ll be making the choice to bring mindful awareness (the light of consciousness) to the areas of you life that have been congested, loosening up the knots of unconsciousness, and dismantling old patterns that aren’t serving you your Well-being.
Never tell yourself that something doesn’t matter,
because it all matters.
Every moment your alive is a miracle,
and ever moment matters.
No moment is to small to cherish or to unimportant to waste…